home.

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Tomorrow.

I'm so excited for tomorrow!
It's so cliché but I'm gonna say it anyway... I FEEL LIKE IT'S GONNA BE A BIG DAY FOR ME TOMORROW HAHAHAHAHAHA. Important and a start of something new. :D 

I'm so excited to learn new things
and observe the creative process behind the work that we see online.
Ok Imma leave the house and buy some food now, famished! 

Friday, 27 January 2017

happy

Some great things happened today! 

OK, the above sentence and post title was written last week or something I think.
I opened up this tab and totally wasn't expecting to see a half-assed blog post here. I think my supposed great news was.... NOT GONNA TELL YOU! HAHAHA.

On the contrary,
I'm not feeling very well now. Physically I've been alright, except I've been having diarrhea wayyyyyyy too frequently. Is 'diarrhea' not spelt like that? Why is my Macbook redlining it!!! OK I have to google it. IT'S CORRECT WHAT WHY THEY REDLINE IT.

Loooool spelled it as 'diarrhoea' and it worked.
Wtf, 'diarrhoea' is such a ugly spelling!!!!


Hahaha.

Anyway, yea I don't know why
I keep having diarrhea. I've been having it since 12th (the night I return from Phuket). And I think it's because I've been eating a lot of foods like strawberries which are acidic and lot's of Yakult too hahahaha. Mentally, as of this moment, I'm a little exhausted.

Why am I always mentally exhausted?
This morning when I was all woozy and half-asleep, I had a word pop up in my head continuously.

HORSE.

The word was, 'horse'.
And then pictures of horses, big riding fields keep surfacing in my head along with BIG, BLOCK HIGHLIGHTED whitish sentence that overlaid the field background and it says,

'SHUT THAT BITCH UP'

It was just flashing and flashing!
And I know why. Because BSD's phone was bombarded with alarms and notifications and I was semi-annoyed. I contemplated whether to shout it in his face and go, 'SHUT THAT BITCH UP' - the way my mind would've liked it.

I am at my own home now.
A little affected. So I was cleaning up his place before leaving and I saw two wine glasses by the dish counter and a broken fragment of a cork on the floor mat, it's color almost blended in. Then I recalled back in the room, there was a wire for Android. Neither of us uses Android... Someone was there, in that ONE night that I wasn't with him and they drank wine. I think I'd acknowledged that some parts of him are like that (likes to fuck around, plainly said), but it STILL doesn't feel good no matter how I try to reason with myself.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Food!

I'm terribly in need of food!
What time did I wake? I think it was about.. 2am? I can't remember. I've been awake since and yes, my body clock is officially SCREWED. Then again, this shouldn't be surprising news at all. I am just done packing my luggage for Phuket by the way!!! I'm flying off tonight, with a man I barely know, almost a stranger. (I am too hungry to elaborate on that now.) 

Meanwhile, food. 
My stomach and tastebuds are rejecting things like instant noodles and pasta. I used to LOVE instant broccoli fusilli. I don't know what happened, I'm avoiding it these days. The only thing I had since I woke was half a bowl of instant noodles. FYI I actually love instant noodles with egg. (I don't know what happened also.) Must be loss of appetite from the thought of traveling with a near-stranger HAHAHA KEED!!!

Fuuuuuccckkkkkkk.

There's really nothing else to eat
at home right now and I'm dreading macs! Think I'm gonna check out UberEats, Deliveroo or Foodpanda in a bit. I have so many things to do today! Ok, actually not much. I'm gonna go run some errands today at Vivo and some Carousell dealings (selling shit) before I fly tonight at 8pm. 

And when I say errands I actually meant
buying Vanilla flavoured poo pourri so my poop smells nice and also some maternity products for my hairstylist who's now preggie! Can't wait to see her and get my hair done when I'm back to Singapore xxx 

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Blogging again

I have multiple blogs.
Some private, some not. One thing they have in common - they're all older than this one.
I started blogging when I was in primary school because my teacher taught us IT classes with blogspot. 

I haven't slept since waking up
at 9pm last night.. just going through old blog posts in bed and reminiscing a lot now. So many fond memories, heartbreaks and very, very silly moments all carefully and meticulously documented. So many of which I've found myself grown and changed. 

And y'know, some of those
changes, they're really not necessarily good. I think I have become more shallow as a person, less trusting and arrogant. I cannot deny. I realized how much I've lost, regardless tangible or not. Mostly I've stopped blogging altogether. Only uploading pictures for fun once in awhile, I don't like that now. I've missed out so much. 

I want to start blogging again. 

Friday, 9 December 2016

x

Okay, so, 12:50am.
I haven't been dating and I'm currently feeling quite shit ass lonely.
To make things sound more terrible than it already is, I haven't been getting sufficient sleep and maybe that's the reason why I'm even feeling slightly crappy about myself at this very moment.

You know how you
think of one bad thing that's happened to you and suddenly you're all focused on ALL the bad things? You nitpick and you insist that, yea, you're having a bad day. So this is the time now for me to, 

1. Acknowledge the 'bad' parts
2. Get that shitty things happen to people all the time, not just me.
3. If the bad things happen to me because of me and if it can be fixed.
4. Look at the things I'd done right today. 

Do I feel better?
Actually yes, slightly. Just by writing this down makes me feel a hell lot better already. 
Geez. The human state of mind can be so willed and easily manipulated at the same time! 

Thursday, 8 December 2016

What?

You know the way thoughts
just somehow (almost sneakily) finds their way deep into your head when you're doing all the little mundane stuffs? Yea, happened to me.

I was under a running shower
and wanted absolutely nothing in my head. I started to have my mind relax, listen to the sounds of my surrounding and just.. breathe. But next thing you know, my mind was flooded with thoughts real fucking quick. Sneaky bastards.

All odd questions came to me, they were so fast like flash cards.
Ok, I exaggerated. Maybe just one question. Do we love less as we grow older?

Ok, I lied again. It was more than one.
Do we lose the ability to love as we age? Is it intentional? Is it basic human instincts? The need to defend, the desire to be loved before we love? It seems to me, that the older we get, the more selfish we become - especially the part on the willingness to love and care. Does it come with time, or wisdom? Or has it got to do with the lack of courage? They're such fine lines.

Honestly, I would love
to answer all of them right now. Think, discuss and have a fucking debate within my brain. But nope! My brain is legitimately, super. fucking. fried. I haven't slept in more than 24 hours. Or like 2 days. BUT - I am happy. Like REALLY happy. So all is well. :D

 Happy days! x 

Saturday, 19 November 2016

Thank you for loving me.


Oh, how I missed you! 
Trying to upload 300 over pictures onto my computer at once can be such a tedious process. 
(Not to also mention, very boring.) But yay! Happy moments deserves to be shared with everyone who chances upon this page! All the work, lil lazy editing and uploading is soooo worth it. And of all the hazy thoughts that has been swimming around inside my brain and beneath my thin skull.. I still can't quite catch the things I want to say. Like trying to catch a feather whose only fate is determined by wind. 

And to my very loved ones, thank you for surprising me year after year. For no words can ever emphasise nor delineate the enormous amount of gratitude and love I feel for each and every one of you. I am 21 now, love. x 


Happy browsing tons of silly pictures and videos that prolly doesn't make any sense to you but holds great significance to me.














































































































































































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